Numbers

we found a bridge that goes over the train tracks and have been up there several times to check it out

he is a true "biker in training", he went to a motorcycle swap meet with Justin and is always into the tools

So, I like numbers, not so much the math kind (Justin usually helps the kids with the math homework), but more the numbers as in time passing.  Maybe I just can't get over how fast time goes or how much has happened and changed over time.  Today is the 24th anniversary of my mom's death.  Really... it's been 24 years since I saw her or heard her or touched her.  I was Luke's age when she died.  When I went to the cemetery this morning, I actually felt like I was the mother, not her, like I was the older one.  And in a strange way, I almost am.  My mom died just 20 days after her 36th birthday.  I am not that far away from living longer than my mom did.  That to me is crazy.  She would have turned 60 earlier this month.  Again, kinda crazy, because she is permanently 36 in my mind.  Would she have gotten gray hair?  Wrinkles?  Would she have kept up with today's fashions and fads?  So much unknown, and I often wonder how life would be different if she were here.

Here are a few other numbers, mostly meaningless, but again a little shocking to me how time keeps moving.  7 years ago this month we put our house on the market.  Justin has been back in the elevator business for 4 years.  In a few weeks we will celebrate our 15 year wedding anniversary.  And this time next year, we will be preparing our eldests for high school.  I spent a few hours last weekend going thru a filing cabinet that we have had in the garage since we moved here, untouched.  In almost 4 years of living here we didn't even look inside it.  So going thru 15+ years of paperwork was different.  Seeing bills and wondering where the money has all gone.  But really seeing time and hard work and just not believing that it's gone and over with.  And I am often disappointed with myself, because I can't remember the many details of time past.  Memories of my mom fade more,  I can't remember the first words of each child.  And I wish I could go back, relive, change things, remember better, be mindful in the moment.  Thank goodness for photos and videos.  Luke was going thru words with Caleb at bedtime last night, who says what.  Daddy--motorcycle, Luke--hockey, etc.  My word, "smile", 'cuz I am taking your picture!  That way I can remember, I can make time stand still for a moment and memorize that look on your face or the way the sunlight hit your hair.  I know I have said it before, but I sure hope there is a movie reel playing when I go to heaven, so I can see and relive all the good stuff of time past.  And as much as I want time to go a little more slowly, I want to hasten the day of the Lord's return.  Amen!