This time of year lends itself to reminiscing, especially with Christmas cards that recap the last year's events. So I have been thinking about this time of year, over the last several years:
- about 22 years ago (it could be 23) at this time my mom was in the hospital, she had been for Thanksgiving, and we were just hoping she would be home in time for Christmas. She was, thankfully, able to be home that Christmas and one more after that.
- about 14 years ago at this time Justin and I were looking at wedding rings, he asked me to marry him two days before Christmas.
- about 11 years ago at this time we had just announced that we were expecting twins, the first grandchildren on both sides.
- about 9 years ago at this time I was very round with our first son.
- about 7 years ago at this time Justin was injured at work and we found out we were expecting our 4th child.
- about 6 years ago at this time Emily was diagnosed as "failure to thrive" and we began her medical journey.
- about 4 years ago at this time we sold our home and moved in with Justin's parents.
- about 3 years ago at this time we received a wonderful Christmas gift, a free house for a year.
- last year at this time Justin was told to wait for work at home, and friends and family came to our aid.
- at this time next year our second son will already be 8 months old, Heidi and Anna will be in middle school, Luke will be in 4th grade and Emily will be at school all day in 1st grade.
I say all that, hoping to not at all be negative, but rather to show God's grace throughout the last years, especially during Christmas time. Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, says that it is good to record our blessings, things and times to be thankful for, as they build a bridge of trust. We can see God's hand, His activity over time. Life has never been perfect and never will be (there seems to be a trend of something bad, linked with something good). I think sometimes we feel like we are owed a "good" life, like we deserve perfection. I am learning just the opposite.
One of the things that I struggle with and spoke a little about when I presented to our women's Bible study is contentment. I want security so badly, to the point that it is an idol is my life. I want to know that Justin's job is secure, that there is work for several years to come. I want a steady house, nothing big and beautiful, just someplace that can be home for the next 10 years or more. I want to tell the kids which schools they will be going to. I want to know that Emily's health will continue to be stable. I want to know that baby #5 will be 100% healthy. Obviously, we can't know our future, but I see other families with steady things, like jobs and homes, and think, "it's not fair".
God is teaching me to trust Him, to be satisfied in Him; it is a theme that keeps popping up in songs and verses (see the lyrics below for He is With Us by Love and the Outcome). One of my favorite songs is Lord I Need You, by Matt Maher (the you tube video can be found here
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS9e0nxHP-w). And that was much of my point when I spoke, that
all we need is God, that we can be and are content with
just Him. When we find refuge in, or seek things, other than God, they become idols (like security, or control, or people, or material things). Those idols take our hearts away from the one and only true fulfillment. My devotion today was Psalm 23:1,
"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need." We may not, and likely will never have everything we want in life. What we do have is a Provider that gives us exactly what we need, and that is Himself. The author puts it from God's perspective this way, "I allow you to have needs and expect them to drive you to Me as your Provider...Understand that there's a difference between having provision and knowing a Provider...My Presence with you means that you can be at peace about your future, I see all the days ahead of you, and you won't be forsaken in any of them...I take care of my sheep and you are one of them".
So at this time of year I am thankful that God sent his Son as a provision and Provider, as a fulfillment for all that we could ever need. As I look back thru the years I see pieces of God's plan and I trust that He has a good future planned for His children. These lyrics say exactly what I want to share:
Remember when
Your hope is lost and faith is shaken
Remember when
You wonder if you're gonna make it
There's a hand stretched out
Through your deepest doubt
We can't pretend
To see the ending or what's coming up ahead
Don't know the story of tomorrow
But we can stay close
To the One who knows
CHORUS
We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding onto you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us, always, always
He is with us, He is with us, always
We believe
There is purpose, there is meaning
In everything
We surrender to His leading
He wants nothing more
Than to have us close
CHORUS
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We're not afraid
We can trust our God, always, always
We can trust our God, always, always
CHORUS
He is with us, He is with us, always, always
He is with us, He is with us, always
Our God is with us
