THE day

I can't help but smile whenever I see this picture, her smile makes me happy.  Today is the 23rd anniversary of THE day, a day my life changed forever.  Death happens, it happens a lot, it's a part of life and we become numb to it.  Every year on this day something strikes me a little differently.  A few years ago I was suddenly saddened by the fact that my mom was alone when she died.  Today, I realize just how much one day, one death, changed me, my life, my family, it has had such a profound impact. 

I was driving the kids to school this morning and noticed what a lovely spring morning it was, the way the sun was shining on the freshly sprouted green leaves, and it just felt good.  It brought me back to that morning, 23 years ago.  It was also a Tuesday, and I had woken up early, way earlier than normal, and it was so bright in my little pink bedroom, the morning sun just poured in.  And I knew.  I knew my mom had died.  I don't know how I knew, I believe there was an angel there, and I was in tears before I met my dad in the kitchen.  I don't want that memory to fade.  Even now, typing this, I am crying.  I remember my grandparents sitting on the couch, soon joined by all our family, the pastor, my world totally changed.

One thing I know without a doubt, God has a plan, He had that morning planned, He holds every moment of my life in His big hands.  He knew what He was doing.  My mom missed so much, I still stay, almost daily, that I wish my mom were here.  I know without a doubt she doesn't feel like she is missing anything, what a glorious day she is likely having, but there is still an empty spot I wish she was here to fill.

I wish she was there when I got my first period,
I wish she was there when I had to choose a new high school,
I wish she was there when I graduated,
I wish she was there when I was dating,
I wish she was there when I started college,
I wish she was there when I planned a wedding,
I wish she was there when I said "I do",
I wish she was there to hold her grandbabies,
I wish she was there to talk to, during those late night arguments,
I wish she was there to just help with dishes and laundry,
I wish she was there to give advice,
I wish she was there to share her cooking, gardening, sewing skills,
I wish she was there just to listen, to hug, to hold, to lean on,
I wish I could hear her laugh, see her smile, look in her eyes and just feel her near again.

I am an entirely different person because of that morning, because my mom is gone, has been gone for 23 years.  I don't know how things would be different, if she were here.  Lately, as the girls are going thru some of the hormonal ups and downs and seemingly silly things make them upset, I remind them that when I was their age my mom had just died.  Outfits and phones aren't a big deal, they don't affect who you are, who you will become. Death, that changes you, but so does the Life, the hope that I have, that I know, without a doubt I will see my mom again, and I am betting Heaven will be like a fresh spring morning, with a bright sun lighting up the sky.      

Camera season

A few more pics from Caleb's birthday

It drives me crazy when good smiles end up blurry

And he's done...

Dinner at the train restaurant

a tractor ride

not sure what this facial expression is about

thanks to a few Target gift cards from Caleb's birthday we bought this toy (again :) )

just playing around, too white, but cute

too dark, but cute

captured the sun rays doing what I wanted them to

I really enjoy taking my camera outside while the kids play in the front yard and taking all kinds of pictures, some good and some to learn from.  Well it's another Monday here, it's Heidi's favorite day of the week and Luke's least favorite.  Justin gets to be close to home for a few days, which would have been handy last week when our car died on the way home from taking the kids to school.  Thankfully my dad was close and available and helped me get the car home, where Justin was able to fix it.  I am very grateful that Justin, my dad, and my brother are all mechanically-minded and help save a lot of money on such things (Justin's dad is too, he is just a help that is 7 hours away :) ). 

We were able to enjoy a visit with Justin's parents over several days, which is always a treat.  We will head there over Memorial Day weekend and I am sure some of the kids will spend some time on the farm over the summer.   

Caleb had his 1 year check-up.  He weighs 23 pounds and measures 30 3/4", both of which put him somewhere in the 80%.  He is taking quite a few steps on his own, but still chooses to crawl over walk.  His sleeping hasn't been great the last week, but he is getting two bottom teeth and the doctor said he could see molars coming too. 

Heidi and Anna were chosen to be guides for "step-up day", a time when the incoming 5th graders visit the middle school.  The girls actually help for their own elementary school and another, so they are excited to miss some class time in the next two weeks.  Heidi has a "northside of the district" concert this week and other next month.  She has decided to step away from the clarinet for next year and will instead take chorus as her elective (that was her decision, we wanted her to stick with the clarinet).  Anna also has a concert next month, and she will continue playing the violin next year. 

It's hard to believe the school year is winding down and we are talking about next year already.  We are chasing several leads on housing options, if you think of it please pray that we would find a house in the right school area that we can move to permanently (if there is such a thing as permanent).  We are also praying about Emily's placement for next year, she has a lot of great classmates this year and we pray that next year will be the same.  There is also a possibility of having an extra great teacher...And crazy to imagine, Luke will be finishing up elementary school at this time next year!  Well, time to head upstairs, I am freezing cold again, thankfully there are many signs of warmer weather to come!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Caleb makes this big gasping sound whenever something falls, so I happened to catch his face as the cupcake went upside down

add a hat and they age instantly!

Happy birthday to our sweetest 1 year old!  Lots of love coming your way!

April busyness

Baskets are for heads, right

Easter

there's that big mouth again

twin beauties

someday I will find a place/house that is a great background for pictures (without going to the park, etc.)

he loves the go-cart, and anything with a motor

such a sweet face

this beauty had two teeth pulled last week

our "woods" themed table, notice the campfire cake, deer droppings and buck shot

1st birthday party

morning drive thru the yard

sweet sisters

Justin's tree stand now has a permanent place in our backyard (until the neighbors complain of a "peeping tom" :) )

singing to the birthday boy

It's been go, go, go lately; that or "be quiet", the baby is sleeping.  He is not a baby for much longer, technically our Caleb will be a toddler tomorrow!  This year has gone so fast and it was such a sweet year.  I have so enjoyed what Caleb has added to our family (if I had my way there would be more added, but we are done).  We had a fun celebration with beautiful weather this past weekend.  We have campfires and smores often, so it was neat to share that with our family. 

Our Easter, the week before, ended up being busier than planned, but was a fun celebration as well.  Then Emily had her two top canine teeth pulled on Tuesday.  Everything went very smoothly and she was in no pain afterwards, which was a real answer to prayer.  Caleb has a 1 year check up this week and then we need to get Emily into a few doctors between now and summer.  We are in our final 8 weeks of school, the kids are counting down and looking forward to playing lots of American Girl dolls and rollerblading and Legos. 

Our summer plans are pretty quiet, though if you joined us at Caleb's party you found out we will be traveling to Conn. in late August for a Progeria reunion at Hole in the Wall Gang Camp.  Emily has been asking to meet kids like herself quite a bit lately and this opportunity suddenly came up (another prayer answered).  We will spend 3 days doing camp like activities with at least 13 other families of kids affected by progeria.  The camp is free of cost to us, and hopefully the cost of the airfare will be taken care of by fundraising efforts.  This is super excited news and will be our family vacation for the year.  Otherwise things are pretty routine around here, praise God!